Dear Diary
by anixiel
Summary: When Tai moves away, he leaves behind a heartbroken Sora... until she finds comfort... in Matt's arms.
1. Prologue

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--- Author's Note ---

This is a Sorato and a Taiora. It's mostly Sorato, but it does contain Taiora. It's all in Sora's POV. Don't like it, don't read it. Oh, and I know absolutely no Japanese so I stick with the English names. Mimi, Izzy, Tai, Sora and Matt are 16. Joe is 17. Yolei, Kari, Davis, Ken and T.K are 13. Cody is 11.

--- Disclaimer ---

I don't own Digimon so don't sue me. And the plot it based on this SVH book I read. I forgot which one.

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_**Dear Diary**_

Prologue

"Tai stop!" I said laughing. My boyfriend picked me up and placed me on his desk. "Tai, your parents are downstairs and Kari is in the next room."

Tai raised his eyebrows. "They won't care," he whispered. "Trust me." He trailed his lips around my face before finding my lips.

_Ring, ring._

"The make-out police," Tai joked, letting me go. "I better answer that." He picked up his phone. "Hello? Hey, Matt. How's it going?"

I smiled. It was Matt Ishida, a friend of ours who we'd known for ages. I glanced up at him. Tai is really adorable. He has this big brown hair and gorgeous eyes. Matt, is his best friend. Matt's pretty cute too. He's got blond hair which he keeps down with gel and deep sapphire eyes.

"Yeah, Matt," Tai was saying. "I hear you... uh-huh."

I looked down on the desk I was sitting on. I had totally crumpled a lot of Tai's papers. One was a pale sheet of pink stationary. I raised my eyebrows. It was a letter... from a girl in America. I looked at the return address:

_Jessica Fields, California, America_

I frowned. Tai had lived in California for a while at the beginning of this year. He moved there because of his dad's job . I picked up the letter. _'Hey cutie,'_ it started off. I raised my eyebrows. Who did this chick think she was calling _my_ boyfriend cutie? _'What's up? We miss you up here! How's Japan? Lisa was talking about you the other day. Too bad you missed the trip to her parents beach house. It was cool. Well, I have to go. Hugs and kisses, Jessica.''_

I turned the letter over, desperate to find the date. Maybe Jessica was an old flame of his. We'd dated other people while he was away, but when he came back we were honest with each other and got back together.

I found the date and my heart stopped. It was dated last week. Jessica had written a _more than friendly _letter to Tai last week. Apparently, the flame was still burning. I started to shake. I looked up. Tai hung up the phone and came towards me, his eyes filled with love.

But its not all of his love, I thought to myself. He's saving some of it for Jessica. Tai must have noticed something was wrong.

"Is something wrong Sora?" he asked me.

"Yes," I replied. I held up the letter. "Who's Jessica? Why didn't you tell me about her?"

He knitted his eyebrows together. "Did you read that?" he demanded. "I can't believe you'd snoop on my private stuff Sora."

"Well I don't believe you'd cheat on me with some girl," I snapped back, my eyes flashing. "I trusted you Tai! But obviously, you don't love or trust me! Why don't you just go back to California? Go back to the girl you really love!" I jumped off the desk and headed for the door.

"Sora wait," he yelled. "It's not like that! I..."

I slammed the door behind me and ran out of his house, jumped into my car and drove home.

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The apartment was empty, as usual. I knew my mother would be out late tonight because of her flower shop.

I locked myself in my room and cried. How could Tai do this to me? After I had calmed down, my eyes focused on a book on my shelf. I picked it up and stared at it. My diary. All my thoughts and deepest secrets were written in these pages. In times of happiness and heartache I had turned to my journal. I opened the book and began to read...


	2. Goodbye

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--- Author's Note ---

I'm uploading this straight after the prologue so I didn't get any reviews. This plot is loosely based on something I've seen but I've changed some things. Please read and review.

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_**Dear Diary**_

Chapter One

_6:13 pm, Saturday night_

_Dear Diary,_

_The worst thing happened today! My boyfriend Tai told me his family is moving to America because of his dad's job. Mr Kaimya has to take the job transfer or else he'd be fired! Tai and Kari don't want to leave Obadiah but they have to be supportive of their dad._

_Here's some more bad news: they're leaving next week. Tai and I only have one week left. I swear, I can hear the clock ticking loudly, diary. It's so heartless. One lousy week. We won't even spend a lot of time together. He has to juggle exams, hanging with our friends, soccer practice and hanging out with me. I don't know how I'll cope without him..._

"I can't believe your leaving in two days, Tai," I sobbed. "Two days!"

Tai held me close to him. Yolei had planned a party for Tai and Kari and we had snuck out to get some private time. "Sora stop it," he begged. "Don't let this be harder. I can't get by without you."

"You'll be all right," I said. "America will feel like home in no time."

"America will never be home," Tai said, shaking his head. "Not if your not there, Sora." He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a love-heart shaped locket. He handed it to me.

"Tai," I gasped. "It's beautiful."

"It's not much," he mumbled. "You don't have to put a picture of me in it either. It's just something to remember me by."

"Tai," I whispered. "I could never forget you."

Tai gulped. "And I want you to know... that it's all right for you if you want to, you know, date other guys," he said hesitantly.

I looked up at him in surprise. "It is?" I said.

"Sure," Tai said trying to smile. "I mean, you can't wait for me forever and maybe one day dad will get transferred back but... in the mean time..."

"I don't want to date other guys!" I cried. "I'll only love you Tai!"

Tai looked relieved. "And I'll never love another girl like you Sora," he promised. "And we'll be together again someday."

"Someday," I repeated. "We'll be together."

_3:15 pm, Monday afternoon_

_Diary,_

_I just got back from the Kamiya household. I thought I could pretend to act brave and stay cool while I said goodbye... but when the moment came, I just fell apart..._

I watched from the Kamiya's porch Tai, Kari and their parents, pack their luggage into their car. I must have looked pretty pathetic because finally, Mr Kamiya told Tai to spend the last ten minutes with me instead of with the luggage.

Tai and I walked to the back of the house where I burst into tears. "You can't leave Tai," I said. "Not now."

Tai looked at me with his brown eyes. "I don't want to leave you Sora," he whispered.

We stood their for a while just holding each other.

"Tai," Kari's voice called. "We have to go."

Tai brushed his lips against mine in a soft kiss. "Go on home," he said. "I can't leave if your still here."

Tai climbed into the car. I hugged Kari goodbye. They both promised to call when they got to America. Mr Kamiya started the car.

"Have a good flight Mr and Mrs. Kamiya," I called.

"Goodbye Sora dear," Mrs. Kamiya replied.

"See you Sora," Kari called.

Tai waved at me. We'd already said our goodbyes. I watched their car pull out of their driveway and down the street. I stared after the car until it rounded the corner.

"Goodbye Tai," I whispered. "Good bye."


	3. Temptation

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--- Author's Note ---

Just to let you know, the prologue is the thing that's actually happening... the first diary entries in 'Goodbye...' is just Sora reading her diary after she fights with Tai. Oh and the Sorato happens in the diary, not in real life. Get me? And I know this chapter is a little short but please review.

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_**Dear Diary**_

Chapter Two

_7:45 pm, Friday night_

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a week since Tai left... one long, lonely week. I know everyone misses him. I know T.K and Davis miss Kari to. The worst thing is... I keep expecting Tai to still be here. I'm always thinking I'll see him around the corner or during third period but I don't. I have to stop myself every afternoon from passing by the soccer field to watch soccer practice before heading over to the tennis courts._

_I feel so helpless diary... he called me once this week but that wasn't enough. I'm writing him three letters a day. I know he's writing letters to, except they haven't arrived yet. You know how slow the mail is. So we usually use e-mail but the phone bills get awfully high._

_I know what you're thinking diary. Why can't he come to the Digital World? Well it's closed again that's why. I just want to him to be here..._

_Tai's talked with our other friends to. I know they miss him as well. All the DD's tried to comfort me but it didn't work. I know Tai's had a good long talk with Matt about me. I think he asked Matt to take care of me because Matt's his best friend. How do I know? Well, Matt's being hanging around lately. He's been really supportive..._

"So, Matt," I said, spooning some ice-cream into my mouth. "How do you feel about all these girls chasing you anyway? Isn't that what you wanted when you started the band?" I joked.

Matt and I had gone out for ice-cream. It was almost like a date but he's just looking after me like Tai asked.

"No," Matt said laughing loudly.

I could sense every girl in the place staring at him. Who can blame them? He was looking really good tonight. _Stop it Sora,_ I thought to myself. _This is Matt your thinking about. Your buddy. Tai's best friend._

"Well," I said. "Why did you start the band then?" It was a lame question... I know. I already knew why but what else was I supposed to say after thinking... you know.

Matt looked straight at my eyes. "Because I love music," he said seriously. "And I want to be able to express it to everyone."

I nodded. I knew exactly what he meant.

_Diary, I felt that Matt and I had grown closer tonight but were just friends. I mean, Tai's only been gone for a week... what am I thinking? How can I even write this stuff about Matt Ishida? But still.. I was startled by the way we said goodbye..._

"Goodnight Sora," Matt said. We were standing in front of my apartment after we'd gone for ice-cream. I told him I could go inside by myself but he insisted on walking me.

"Good night, Matt," I replied, awkwardly. Matt put his hand on my arm. I felt myself blush. What were we supposed to do now? Kiss on the cheek? Shake hands? Finally, I gave him a little hug. "See you at school Matt," I said.

"See you," Matt said, waving and walking back into his car.

I followed him with my eyes. I glanced down at my arm and noticed goose bumps at where Matt's hand had touched my skin... I shivered. _Don't even think about it Sora_, I thought letting myself inside.


	4. Feelings

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--- Author's Note ---

Part three is up! Thanks for all your reviews. Please review this one to. Thanks.

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_**Dear Diary**_

Chapter Three

_11:15 pm, Friday night_

_Dear Diary,_

_I know I haven't written in two weeks but I've been busy trying to catch up with school. You know how I've been letting things slide since Tai left._

_Anyway, I just got back from the school disco. Matt and I danced just about every dance together. Usually, I'd miss Tai at events like these, but tonight, I have to confess, I didn't think of him once..._

"Let's take a break and sit this one out," I suggested to Matt as the DJ put on a slow song. "I'm pretty breathless, aren't you?"

The mood in the room had changed along with the music. All around us, couples grew closer, wrapping their arms around each other. Romance seemed to fill the air like perfume.

Matt grasped my arm, preventing me from stepping away. "One more," he said. "Slow dances aren't too strenuous."

Laughing softly, I stepped close again. Matt put his arms around my waist and I circled mine around his shoulders. Gingerly, I rested my head against his chest. _Have we ever slow danced before?_ I found myself wondering. I didn't think so. I didn't think I'd ever been this physically close to Matt Ishida...

He was right- slow dancing wasn't that strenuous. But for some reason I still felt breathless. Why was my pulse racing? Why was my face so hot?

"You know, Matt," I murmured, not meeting his eye. "You should ask some other girls to dance. I know you're looking out for me but I'll be okay."

Matt's arms tightened around me. "What if I don't want to ask other girls to dance? What if I only want to dance with you?"

We were silent. I couldn't answer Matt's question; I wouldn't. What if...?

_I know what's happening to me diary. I wasn't born yesterday- I've had feelings like this before. But I can't give into them. Matt is Tai's best friend. I have to stop thinking like this but it's hard. When Matt's arms were around me, my body pressed against his... I could feel his heart pounding._

_He offered to drive me home but I turned him down and I hope he knows why. I hope he's making a resolution too- we simply can't follow up on this attraction. It'll pass if we ignore it._

_Izzy introduced us to a new guy tonight. His name is Andrew and he is pretty cute- tall, blond- but frankly, I had a hard time focusing on him. My gaze kept straying to another tall, blond guy, initials M.I ..... DON'T DO THIS SORA!_

_11:57 pm, Saturday night_

_Dear Diary,_

_Mimi visited us from America tonight. What a surprise! Joe and Yolei threw a party for her. It was so much fun! I could tell Mimi had a thing for Andrew- you know, the guy Izzy introduced us to at the dance. I wonder if any sparks will start in between those two?_

_Speaking of sparks, I almost don't want to write this down. I hope no one ever finds out about it. I can't believe I let myself get so carried away..._

"This is a really great party," Matt said. "Actually, when Mimi's around, a party will start."

We were in Joe's kitchen; Matt was helping me load up another platter of sandwiches. "I know," I said laughing. "Mimi always stirs things up."

I placed the last sandwich on the plate; the platter was ready to go. "There," I announced to fill up the silence.

Matt and I looked at the platter. Then we looked at each other. Something in Matt's eyes told me I should take a step backward, away from him. _Pick up the platter_, I commanded myself. _Carry it into the living room._

"Sora," Matt said in this strange voice. He clasped my hand and my resolve melted. Instead of backing away, I let him pull me outside to the patio.

The backyard was dark and we slipped eagerly into the shadows. Without another word, Matt folded his arms around me, lifting me slightly so his mouth could find mine. I kissed him back, my fingers tangling in his hair. His hands were on my shoulders, my neck, my back. We couldn't seem to stop touching each other- maybe because for weeks we'd been dying to do this, but holding back.

After a long, recklessly delicious moment, I pulled away. "Matt, we really shouldn't..."

"Shh." Matt placed a finger gently against my lips. "Don't say it. Let's try not to think about it..."

It was too late. It was already out there. Guilt crept into my heart. Tai trusted Matt and me- how could we do this to him?

Matt reached for me again. If his hand had so much brushed against my skin, I knew I'd throw myself back into his arms. Whirling, I ran away, back into the house.

_Where will this end, Diary? Because it's finally started. Matt and I have let our feelings for each other show. There's no going back now..._


	5. Decisions

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--- Author's Note ---

Sorry it took so long to get this out, but this is the first time I've been on a computer for weeks! Thanks for all you're reviews... and thanx whoever u r for that flame sort of thing. It sounds crazy but I love getting flamed! They help me write better. Please review this chapter!

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_**Dear Diary**_

Chapter Four

_3:45 pm, Sunday afternoon_

_Tai called today. He sounded cheerful. He doesn't suspect anything. But why should he? I'm his girlfriend and Matt's his best friend. He trusts us. When he asked me 'so is Matt looking after you like I asked him to?' I nearly died. When I answered, I was sure he could hear the guilt in my voice. But he continued jabbering._

_Anyway, after we hung up I made a resolution. It was just one kiss. I'm sure Tai's kissed at least one girl while he's out in America. Just stay away from Matt, I told myself. Who am I kidding? I can't stay away from him! I might as well tell the sun to stop shining. I tried to tell Matt about it today..._

"Matt," I said, settling down on the bench. "We need to talk about this."

Matt kissed my neck. "Go ahead," he whispered. "I'm listening."

"Matt, this is all I think about, holding you, kissing you..." I said. "But it's wrong. Don't you see?"

Matt cupped my face in his hands. "All I see right now is you," he replied. "This sweet, incredible girl that I've admired more than anyone I know." He kissed me softly but I pressed my lips together and shook my head.

"What about Tai?" I asked bluntly.

Guilt flickered in Matt's eyes. "I always thought Tai was the luckiest guy on earth," he confessed. "Because he was going out with you. I didn't mean for this to happen you know. I didn't want to take advantage of his trust."

"So what are we going to do?" I whispered.

"We both know what we should do," Matt said. "And we both know what we want to do."

"And the problem is," I said. "They're not the same thing."

_5:25 pm, Thursday afternoon_

_Oh Diary,_

_I've been arguing with myself all week. Break things off with Matt... don't break things off with Matt. But I finally came to a conclusion. I have to. This is wrong. If Tai ever found out... I'll tell Matt tomorrow. Or the day after..._


	6. Just Friends

Dear Diary

--- Author's Note ---

This is the last chapter in the diary. The next part is what happens after she finshes reading. It can still be made into a sorato or taiora. Oh, I love the suspense. I've already written up the epilogue but I'm not posting it until I get 45 reviews.

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_**Dear Diary**_

Chapter Five

_3:15 pm, Saturday afternoon_

_Dear Diary,_

_I did it. I broke things of with Matt. We went for a walk in the park and told him I couldn't do it anymore. We both got choked up about it, but I know deep in our hearts we both feel the same way. He's lonely and I'm lonely and we just turned to each other. But entering into an actual out-in-the-open relationship would've been impossible and wrong. We could never have felt good about it..._

Our fingers interlaced, Matt and I strolled into the tree-filled area of the park. The path was empty. When we came into a wooden bench under a spreading oak tree, we sat down.

"It's pretty here, isn't it?" Matt commented, slipping an arm around my shoulders. "Peaceful."

"It is," I agreed. "But Matt..."

He turned to face me. There was a sad shadow in his sapphire eyes; he knew what I was going to say.

"We can't do this anymore," I said softly. "Coming to the park because we know no one will see us here... not being able to go to the movies, not being able to go out to dinner, not holding hands at school... hasn't it been driving you nuts?"

Matt laughed wryly. "Yeah, I guess, But I keep telling myself I'd be even more nuts if I couldn't spend time with you," he said, looking right into my eyes.

"We can still spend time together," I pointed out. "In public to... if we do it as friends."

"You mean... go back?"

There was a ragged edge to his voice. I could tell he was close to tears. The famous Matt Ishida, about to cry because of me.

I nodded. "Yes," I replied. "Go back... to the way they were before."

Without speaking, Matt pulled me closer to him. "You're a wonderful girl, Sora," he whispered in my ear.

"Your a great guy, Matt," I replied softly.

"I'm not sorry you know,' he said looking at my face. "I'll never forget what we shared."

"Me either," I replied. I lifted my face and kissed him softly for the last time.

_Diary, I think we'll be able to stay good friends- thank god. There aren't any hard feelings. I know Matt cares about me deeply, and I'll always have a place for him in a secret part of my heart. And we promised each other: under no circumstances will we ever tell anyone what happened between us._

_So, I'm on my own now diary- really on my own. And you know what? I think I'm going to be able to pull my heart together and move on. I think I'm going to me okay._


	7. Epilogue

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--- Author's Note ---

Done! What do you guys think? Please review and don't forget that this is my first sorato, so be nice. Flames will be laughed at. Like I said before, flames are funny. They are so totally pointless.

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**_Dear Diary_**

Epilogue

I closed my diary with a sigh. I sat there for about an hour reflecting on what I'd just read. _I'm only sixteen,_ I thought. _And my life has already been so full._ Full of laughter and love, tears and disappointment, success and failure, fun and friendship. Every day, new experiences and new lessons to be learned.

I drew my knees up against my chest. _Oh Tai_, I thought. _How could you do that to me?_ But as I was thinking, I felt nothing. Not hurt, not betrayed... nothing.

I suddenly realized something. I don't really care what happened between Tai and Jessica. They could get married and I wouldn't have felt anything. The point is, I wanted Matt. I don't know if he still thinks about me... I don't know if he still thinks about us. It's been months since we were together.

But there was only one way to find out. I hopped off my bed and grabbed by phone. With shaking fingers, I dialed his number. _Please be home,_ I prayed.

"Hello?" said his cheerful voice.

"Matt," I whispered.

"Sora?" he replied in confusion. No wonder why. We'd managed to keep our feelings inside for months. He was probably wondering why I was whispering. "Is something wrong?"

"I miss you Matt," I whispered, tears making their way down my face. "I miss _us_."

Matt was silent for a while. I heard him take a deep breath. "I miss you to, Sora," he replied softly. "Can... can I come over?"

"Sure," I whispered. I hung up the phone slowly.

I felt chills go up my spine. Was I doing the right thing? But I know what I want now. I want Matt... not Tai.

A few minutes later, I heard a knock at the front door. I ran to answer it. There was Matt, his eyes filled with love. I threw myself into his arms and he gave me the sweetest kiss.

"I love you Sora," Matt said. "I always have and I always will."

My heart was pounding the whole time. I don't know how the rest of the world will react to us being a couple. It scares me to think of the things we'll have to go through. But to find out if you can fly, you have to take that big leap right?

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--- Author's Note ---

Okay, that sucked. But I'm done! Yay! Pleaz review.


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